Hi all,
We thought it would be a good idea to get a newsletter going to keep y’all abreast of developments as Keller, Niles and Slitzky get material together; sort of like a journal. Keller thinks it will confuse everyone more than it helps, but that’s just, like, his opinion… so here we go.
The first single did better than we expected, so we decided to add some staff. The day after we posted the CFO position, we arrived at work in the morning to discover Mortimer Knudson CPA sitting on a milk crate in front of our offices.
For those of you not familiar with poor Mortimer: Keller formerly employed Mr. Knudson as the CFO of Caddywhompus Productions when the company based itself in the thriving metropolis of Easthampton, CT and when it derived most of its revenue from the mysteriously-named Department of Creative Acquisitions. Mr. Knudson’s tenure at Caddywhompus came to an abrupt end when allegations surfaced that he had funneled company funds into and Iran-Contra-like scheme supporting punk musicians in Nicaragua. We also suspect that was him behind the interns’ adverse possession claim on lobby of the building; however, we were never able to find an air-tight paper trail.
Caddywhompus Productions simply vacated the building and left Mortimer and the interns to dispute ownership of the lobby with the building’s owners.
Mortimer was last seen in Iowa purchasing a corn dog while caucusing in support of Rick Santorum in 2012. When spotted he shouted, “ThEy HaTe ChRiStEnDoM!!!” and vanished into the inky shadows of the conference room.
At any rate, we had to hire him back because of a wrongful termination suit that he filed several weeks ago in which he claimed that we are the successor company to Caddywhompus (which technically became an entirely new entity when it entered into the wedding business) and that we are responsible for several years worth of federal income taxes which were not withheld from his pay.
The tax thing is true, of course, but only because of an accounting error by then-CFO, Mortimer Knudson CPA. The judge was unmoved and ordered us to hire him back the moment he resurfaced. His first act as CFO of KellerGlass.com was to make fish stock in the company kitchen.
So, Mortimer is back, the newsletter is up and running, and Keller is working on a new single for next month.
Stay tuned,
The Interns
Music